We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
