i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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