I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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