she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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