Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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