people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
