He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
