walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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