The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
