I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
