Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
