somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
