I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
