If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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