I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
