P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
