i already hear my dad disowning me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
