Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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