is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
