you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
