i need an iv and a liver transplant
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
