They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ttyl tear gas
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
