What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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