it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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