Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
