if only i could text you this smell
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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