dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
