does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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