Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
