I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
