It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
