I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
