"it" just moved
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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