remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
