Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
