yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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