windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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