haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
