There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
