Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
