I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize