I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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