if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
