I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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