i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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