His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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