Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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