A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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