I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
