Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
