Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
