Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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