i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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