Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
