I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
