I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
