My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
