if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
