I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
