Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
