Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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